I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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