Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
