We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need water and some morals
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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