so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
