Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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