I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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