Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
