I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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