I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
