Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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