Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
