One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
