she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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