i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
