this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
