I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
