you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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