When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
