I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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