either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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