i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
