I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
