The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
