Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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