2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
