You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
