Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
