I just pynch a tree in the face
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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