Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
