Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
