I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
