Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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