Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
God I need to hump something, right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
