I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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