6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
