She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
