her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
