Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
