why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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