I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
