Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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