There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
