I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
