Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
