It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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