If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
