He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
