bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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