So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
