I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
