Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
