She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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