be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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