I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
